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if there is one thing i'll take away from all these years of creating music, it's that it has always felt worthwhile. it has never felt like i've wasted my time. ever. this is a favorite quote of mine:

“I have a friend, an aspiring musician, whose sister said to her one day, quite reasonably,

“What happens if you never get anything out of this? What happens if you pursue your passion forever, but success never comes? How will you feel then, having wasted your entire life for nothing?” My friend, with equal reason, replied,

“If you can’t see what I’m already getting out of this, then I’ll never be able to explain it to you.”

When it’s for love, you will always do it anyhow.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert

if you can't see what i'm already getting out of this, then i'll never be able to explain it to you. for me, this quote is about the creative process, which is my greatest joy and also my greatest challenge as a creative. the creative process is one of my reasons for creating. i feel joy, doubt, resistance, euphoria, sadness, love, creative satisfaction. sometimes i'm in a flow state, sometimes i'm stuck. i learn, i play, i laugh and i get frustrated. i feel confident, like i can accomplish anything. i can also feel like an imposter. "i made this song? really? this song has got to already exist already because it's good! no way i made it!"

you're fighting resistance - but tomorrow, you'll start creating again.

you'll never know what you'll come up with - you're curious to see what comes next.

you're never quite satisfied with your skills - but that's one of the driving forces.

you're happy when you're truly able to convey your feelings with your music - and you feel alive and you feel it all.

so, i’m writing this blog post on a small café while listening to some lofi music. i’m in the middle of summer vacation. finally summer, even though it's raining. it doesn't matter to me.

i had an old blog a few months ago. i wanted to write about everything i found interesting, and wrote about many different kinds of topics. too many topics actually. at the expense, what i wrote felt pretty messy and aimless. i also felt like i needed to update the blog regularly, and when i didn’t update, i felt guilty. i didn’t enjoy that feeling. it was supposed to be a thing i enjoyed.

so i used the one method when things become too overwhelming: i closed down the blog and took some time to reflect on this.

after these couple of months, i realized i missed blogging and sharing, but i have now established a rule: i’m not going to write regularly, only when i’m in the mood for it. i’ll write about my music journey, the creative process and some stuff i find very inspiring. i want to write about the things i learn as i create and what i’ve been able to overcome. this blog is not about how you become a famous musician or how you gain a massive following because i'm not an expert on this (lol). i want it to be a home for creative pep talk, a place to go to when i need to get more motivation and inspiration, and i want to share what i discover with you.

so here we go!

bilbo sleeping and enjoying life

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